vampire – Dexter

March toward sleep

There must be something in the air at the end of March. Each year I have been here I have been photographed by the resident paparazzi whilst I have been enjoying, what should be, my “me time” as I sleep off the effects of my varied and interesting life.

The only difference is the addition of a vampiric beagle brother who isn’t actually a biological brother as such, and he seems to have the sleep gene very much ingrained in his DNA (or whatever it is that vampire beagles have).

I know it’s important to sleep and that is why I seem to practice it as much as possible when I am not on patrol or watching, sentinel like, for squirrels invading my garden. I dread to think how much sleep I have clocked up over the years.

I wonder if any aunties will notice my paws 2017

I hope I get to sleep for many more March ends.

The A-Z of things I can do

Just to complete the series I thought I would look at some of the things that I am able to do.

A. Arooo loudly. This is probably the most obvious comment ever made.

B. Bitey face. I still excel at squabbling with Lenny in the house and garden.

C. Chase squirrels in my garden. They know not to settle for too long.

D. Destroy toys. Not as much these days, but I am still able to lobotomise them.

E. Enjoy my life. Even with my brother biting me, I still have a good life.

F. Find and eat field food quicker than I can get told off.

G. Go on days out and holiday. I did this before quarantine and will do it again soon.

H. Hike my parents across the fields and through mud. This is a speciality of beagles.

I. Injure myself through excessive shenanigans. I am currently injury free, thankfully.

J. Jump onto the garden table and out of the dental clutches of my vampiric brother.

K. Kick dad when I’m sleeping on the sofa. A fun activity.

L. Laugh. I make my parents smile. I can be an idiot sometimes apparently.

M. Make dad give me secret treats just by looking at him in a doleful way.

N. Nice sitting when treats may be involved.

O. Open mums heart just by looking at her sometimes.

P. Pretend to ignore Lenny’s antagonism, and then pounce on him.

Q. Question if Lenny is a vampire, a giraffe or just a pest. I suspect a mixture.

R. Run around the garden. See also (A) apparently.

S. Sleep more often, and snore more loudly. Allegedly it comes with age.

T. Tongue Out Tuesday. I have an extensive tongue which makes this quite easy.

U. Upset my parents when I don’t feel very well or look old and tired.

V. Views. Enjoy what I see whilst strolling around the lanes and fields near my home.

W. Wee on Lenny’s head if he’s not looking where he’s going on our walks.

X. e(x)pect my food to be provided on time. Is this too much to ask?

Y. Yawn. I seem to do this far more often now. Age? who knows.

Z. Zooms around the garden with or without Lenny.

I can smell a squirrel over a mile away.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Lenny

Wake up wake up, it’s gone 6 am and the squirrels are running amok in the grounds. Ok, they’re not actually running amok but mum and dad didn’t know and we could have stopped a squirrel invasion. I got Lenny to leap on dads kidneys so he had no excuse to go back to sleep. Up and at them, come on.

We were soon in our harnesses and exploring the lanes and byways around Pednor, with the sun on our fur and our scent receptors close to the ground. As we went along the lane, the rabbits scattered for their burrows and the squirrels hid in their trees, sadly out of our reach. Upon reaching the dingley dell on the corner of the road, we decided we would take the parents along Herberts Hole as there was a better chance of getting some good baying off our chests with the critters that live in the hedgerows. Birds, squirrels and rodents made their escape as we wandered along, having great fun. Apparently I sound like one of those steam trains you see and hear in old films, when I am on the trail of prey. Anyway, we got most of the way down the track and mum decided she had to return home to do something called ‘work’. Nope, I have no idea what it is either. So, we turned around and headed home.

Back at home and after breakfast we were allowed out into the garden again as the sun was still shining and there were various horticultural chores that needed to be started and finished. It was such a peaceful morning with Lenny and I wandering around, sniffing, lazing on the grass and playing the odd bit of snout jousting. He seemed to be quite calm as we lay near each other, thinking about where we could drag mum and dad tomorrow morning.

What a lovely day for some nefarious activity

Then it started. The glint in his eye, the slight wry smile, the malevolent sideways glance to see if I was concentrating. He woofed to me that he was off to chew a stick so off he toddled. You could almost see the little halo above his head, he looked so innocent. My canine senses told me there was malice afoot however and I made myself ready to repel boarders. I was right, quick as a flash he was on to me, teeth glinting in the sun, eyes reddened from his transformation into a devil of the night and his paws standing on my ears whilst his teeth went to work on my face. He had pinned me down ready to inflict the final chomp on my jugular vein. However he didn’t account for my saviour, in the shape of a dad shaped object advancing up the garden to prise us apart and save my ears and neck from looking like a kitchen colander. “Off! Leave him alone!” called dad. And suddenly Lenny was running googley eyed around the garden arooing at his perceived victory over me. I got ear tickles whilst dad made sure I hadn’t been perforated and then he told me to “stop encouraging Lenny”. Forget the perforated ears, they were shocked and stunned ears. As I looked past dad, I saw Lenny down the garden once again wandering around quietly eating revolting stuff and looking for worm casts to roll in. How could he be so different so quickly?

I had held him off, just, and I live to tell the tale. Innocent, my paw.

I shall chew a stick and await my next victim.

Still love him though. He is my brother after all.